craft: self-care as the balance between frenzy and blues

I thought I had just a predisposition to manic depression but I had hoped that I was one of those 9 out of 10 children of a parent with bipolar depression who would not develop the illness. I definitely suffered depression in my adolescence, but what teenager doesn't suffer depression? And then I thought I would be a milder case than my mother and would try to find other outlets. But this past Sunday, I cried nonstop for 25 minutes because the holidays are so damn sad when I'm estranged from two of my siblings. My husband said to me after my cryfest when we finally had a sit-down talk that he thinks I'm a full-blown bipolar depressive. He doesn't take into account that I've managed to hold a job despite its precarity its first six years before tenure and pay a mortgage or that I've been adulting for the most part for some fifteen years. Yes, I suspected that three years ago, I wasn't just a borderline personality but had my mother's disease. Yes, I've been suffering mood problems off and on, but what's wrong with dealing with my mental issues with a deep dive into sewing or pottery or jewelry making? And then exercising and eating right and meditating when the doldrums hit?            

I started the month with the intention of daily self-care. But I need to be much more vigilant of this propensity for disturbing outbursts of constant activity followed by melancholic inertia. 

I made these bracelets below and then put away my thousand dollar pile of beads in order to clean the home and prepare for a dinner guest tomorrow night. This afternoon I met up with colleagues for happy hour, and they loved their bracelets.            

  

And then it was onward to my slow sewing meetup. It was good to talk to other women who share my obsession with a hobby. They too hold day jobs and care for families and pets, and I'm sure they face other not-mentioned distresses that happen with living even in the first world. And being social is another way to disrupt negative thoughts and behaviors. And I did a little research. I would say I fall into Cyclothymic Disorder, where my highs and lows are milder than those of bipolar disorder. My highs are artistically productive, and yes I am going to confidently state that I am an artist and have creative talents. My lows include my half hour crying jag over the weekend and this self-reflection about depression and usually some journaling and maybe a little staying in bed on the weekends with my head under blankets with my dog. That's me.

craft: gift wrapping and beads

This came up on my Facebook/Instagram memories.

That was such a fun pandemic activity, and I love how the wrapped presents turned out and that the wrapping was totally recyclable. If we have not run out of the Costco gift wrap we've had for ten years, then I'll wrap Patrick's grandnephews and Charlie's presents this way too. And so I'm thinking this will be how I create the gift labels for my Dan Dan Instant Noodle Kit. I've found kraft paper that is the size of copier paper:) I also just ordered white organza bags to gift all the bead bracelets I’m making. Last night I made one for my cohort, Jasmine. At some point, I'll make a set of three bracelets for me: WHAT THE FUCK, LIBRARIAN, TEACHER and DOG MOM(but this could be part of another set to include WINO and BITCH). And of course, some inspirational ones: MANIFEST, HAPPY (with rainbow beads), FAITH, HOPE, LOVE. And specific ones for Meral: CERAMICIST, FUR MAMA, GODMOTHER.      

I'm still pondering Kat's bracelets: MARCEL'S MOM, MANIFEST? And STRONGAF? Or maybe another...                      

I took a pic too of the clay assignments for Zan's CSM class this spring. I hope I get to enroll or that I get that email soon for my registration date. 

I'm pondering what I'll create for each project. For the raku animal, definitely a sea creature. Maybe another octopus. But I loved, loved, loved March of the Penguins and would love to sculpt the Emperor Penguin of the Antarctica. I've already made the candelabra, but I would make it again with the same theme of renewal like that of my Station Eleven piece. I'll have to think of some kind of abstract wall sculpture box, but I want it to be functional to maybe house my teapots or some of my favorite tiny mugs. And for a landscape relief, for sure an oceanscape--but not one using my waves texture roller, but one I'll have to carve by hand. Or maybe a forest of birch trees with a road leading off to point in the distance. I do love my whale relief even though it has a crack in it and could maybe re-do it. And Zan is determined that I make a bowl on the wheel because she's bringing the Empty Bowls project to the College of San Mateo. And so yeah I did make it into the clay studio yesterday afternoon and managed to pour another plaster mold of a plate and glaze a spoon. I asked Michaela to switch up our next Friday schedule, so I could be back at school to unload the kiln and have some commissions that are Christmas presents delivered. And when I do create all these ceramic projects, then for sure, I'll submit an application to the public library to display them and call them CLAY ASSIGNMENTS AT THE COLLEGE OF SAN MATEO, ____SEMESTER___ or just "Clay Assignments, Spring 2023.

clay: holiday ornaments

Last year I made star ornaments with the word Christmas on them in various languages, which didn’t sell as much as I thought they would at my December ceramics sale last year, and so I had a bunch to get rid of this year. My niece saw them and wants to buy them. Sigh. My timing is always off. At clay club, I thought I was going to pour some plaster, make another plate mold and maybe even make a plate. Nope.      

I painted white underglaze because the fired stoneware clay body is more yellow than white. If I make more next week, I’ll make stars with the texts, “silent night” and “holy night” as well some more of these secular holiday greetings.

craft: bead bracelet christmas presents + a commission

There’s a copy clerk at my high school who became a friend early in the pandemic when we reopened only to small learning pods, where her job changed to Covid screener. I made her this bracelet because she posts a lot of pics of her granddaughter on Facebook. And the bracelet below that is one I made for a colleague whose boyfriend is named Jesse.                                  

 

Angela loved her grandma necklace, and she asked me if I would mind changing it to Nana? I said of course! I love that it would be even more personalized. And then she said she would pay me and asked if I would make one that said JUJU'S MOM for her daughter. Oh! I thought that would be so cute. And so I did make a mother and daughter bracelet set. And while I was at it I dug out the baby tiger I was going to donate to SCRAP and embellished it with rhinestones and added a chain to make a necklace for Angela's granddaughter.

I dithered over colors. Angela said her daughter likes purple, but I didn't know what other colors she would like. I played with the gender stereotype of pink for little girls and in the end, kept it simple like Nana's.

The night before I finished my niece, Jelissa's motherhood bracelets.

The fact that Angela preferred Nana to Grandma, made me think that my sister-in-law is called Lola instead of Grandma to my grandnieces and grandnephews. And so I'm going to make hers say Lola though I'll need to turn to a color palette generator or my favorite color palettes ideas board to figure out what colors to use. I did finish the bracelets the other night for my assistant.

I'll make an additional bracelet that will say DOG MAMA although the PLANT MOM is oh so appropriate too--but that can be her birthday present in the spring. And there's another bracelet I need to make for this Tuesday when I meet up with two other librarian cohorts. Her bracelet will say FUCK IT because she's such a foul-mouthed missy and be pink because she's also such a girly girl.

clay + read: a public library checkout

I pretty much put at least one book on hold at the local library every week. Right now I’m listening to the latest fiction by one of my favorite authors, Cormac McCarthy on audiobook in my commute two or three days a week. The Passenger is excellent and eloquent and at times profanely funny—there are passages I want to commit to memory, and so I’ll probably check out the print copy too. But for my nonfiction fix, I needed something about ceramics and plants or my other hobbies. The Alan Moore title will be the fiction I pick up after I'm done with Boy in a China Shop.                    

The memoir so far by Keith Brymer Jones is okay. He’s much more compelling on the screen in Britain’s Great Pottery Throwdown when he’s so moved by a beautiful ceramic that he sheds tears. Even Patrick is entertained and will chuckle at Mr. Jones's crying. If I were in the U. K., I could never compete even though I’m an amateur ceramicist because I can’t throw for shit. No matter. I’ll stick to the hobby and the hand building and will get on the wheel during winter break. Last Tuesday at clay club for one, I applied underglaze to the porcelain spoon and dreidel ornaments that had just been bisque fired. Also fresh out of the kiln were the pots and drainage dish for Cecilia's nephew. I had a pint of a glaze called Wrought Iron, which I adhered just to the text and the top rim of the drainage dish. I might today go back and paint that Wrought Iron to the top rims of the pots.                      

I overglazed the other bisque pots with gloss white.

On one of the red or brown clay spoons, I adhered some of that Wrought Iron. They're my test pots for glaze.

I can't wait to see how my Obsidian clay body spoons turn out.

And today I remembered to bring an empty gallon milk jug this afternoon to pour more plaster to make another mold for plates and bowls.

cook: store-bought shortcuts for chili

I followed a fan of Ina Garten, #storeboughtisfine and am reminded that it’s okay to take shortcuts when cooking. My Sunday chili was my example. I soaked and boiled small kidney beans the night before and then chopped onions and garlic right before cooking chili, but there were some convenience foods involved in Sunday supper. The chub of beef chorizo expediently contains paprika and chilies like pasilla to add spice to my chili. I also took out a couple of frozen biscuits to reheat in the oven for a starchy side.                 

And let's not forget cutting labor in half by having grated cheese and chopped scallions I already had in the fridge as well as the remains of canned tomato sauce from my summer preserving.

Winter break starts in a couple weeks, and I've resolved to nest and cook from scratch when I host a couple of small dinners for friends. And string bead jewelry. And big stitch quilts.

cook: store bought is fine when it comes to homecooked ramen

After not eating out at my favorite ramen parlor, Santa Ramen, I finally went in after two years of this pandemic and ordered a bowl. I shelled out $18.50 for the most expensive item on the menu: fried soft shell crab and pork belly. OMFG. The proteins tasted so so so yummy and the ramen was so satisfyingly al dente. Of course, I ate that bowl in 10 minutes and felt overfull immediately. I was too full to consume everything in the bowl and brought home the leftover tonkotsu stock and pork belly to which to add more ramen and vegetables and protein. I had in my freezer a package of soup base and noodles from Nijiya to which I was going to add the leftover tonkotsu, even more pork, an egg, bok choi, bamboo shoots, and spinach.   

 

I hard boiled an egg and browned the pork (I used carnitas which is basically pork shoulder submerged and cooked in lard and substitutes well)and the salty sauce packet that came with the frozen noodles, which I added to the reheating and simmering Tonkotsu.  

When I added the noodles to the boiling pot of water, the boil went away. The frozen noodles had brought the temperature down that much. It took 6 minutes to bring it back to boil and cook those thick ramen noodles.

 

Finally the noodles were done and drained. My favorite Japanese soup bowl was in the dishwasher, and so I put the noodles and egg in a Pyrex bowl.

 

Then ladled the broth, pork, and vegetables to submerge those noodles. I also added fresh spinach leaves to wilt in that boiling hot broth. T'was a beautiful bowl of soup to behold.

 

I couldn't help but remember how much I love a bowl of ramen, not made by pouring a cup of hot water into and reconstituting dried noodles in a Styrofoam cup, but cooked by boiling pork bones for hours before loading with soy and miso and much later meat, noodles and vegetables.

But that wooden spoon wasn't working for me. Not enough broth to fit along with the noodles into the bowl of the spoon.

I brought out a larger stainless steel spoon, and still you couldn't fit all the content of the soup onto your serving utensil. And so it was a chomp of noodles and meat followed by a sip of the salty and fatty broth. And then a slurp of hard boiled egg and spinach.

The good thing about the thickness of the noodles was that the ramen didn't get mushy by soaking up all the broth and losing its chew before upsetting the balance of flavors in all the bowl. Yeah I ate those noodles fast and stained my t-shirt with broth from all my wild slurping. And I still have a cup of that stock into which I'm going to again add pork, bok choi, spinach and corn and this time, green noodles or moroheiya for yet another bowl of ramen for leftovers for dinner tonight.                     

Delicious.