craft: self-care as the balance between frenzy and blues

I thought I had just a predisposition to manic depression but I had hoped that I was one of those 9 out of 10 children of a parent with bipolar depression who would not develop the illness. I definitely suffered depression in my adolescence, but what teenager doesn't suffer depression? And then I thought I would be a milder case than my mother and would try to find other outlets. But this past Sunday, I cried nonstop for 25 minutes because the holidays are so damn sad when I'm estranged from two of my siblings. My husband said to me after my cryfest when we finally had a sit-down talk that he thinks I'm a full-blown bipolar depressive. He doesn't take into account that I've managed to hold a job despite its precarity its first six years before tenure and pay a mortgage or that I've been adulting for the most part for some fifteen years. Yes, I suspected that three years ago, I wasn't just a borderline personality but had my mother's disease. Yes, I've been suffering mood problems off and on, but what's wrong with dealing with my mental issues with a deep dive into sewing or pottery or jewelry making? And then exercising and eating right and meditating when the doldrums hit?            

I started the month with the intention of daily self-care. But I need to be much more vigilant of this propensity for disturbing outbursts of constant activity followed by melancholic inertia. 

I made these bracelets below and then put away my thousand dollar pile of beads in order to clean the home and prepare for a dinner guest tomorrow night. This afternoon I met up with colleagues for happy hour, and they loved their bracelets.            

  

And then it was onward to my slow sewing meetup. It was good to talk to other women who share my obsession with a hobby. They too hold day jobs and care for families and pets, and I'm sure they face other not-mentioned distresses that happen with living even in the first world. And being social is another way to disrupt negative thoughts and behaviors. And I did a little research. I would say I fall into Cyclothymic Disorder, where my highs and lows are milder than those of bipolar disorder. My highs are artistically productive, and yes I am going to confidently state that I am an artist and have creative talents. My lows include my half hour crying jag over the weekend and this self-reflection about depression and usually some journaling and maybe a little staying in bed on the weekends with my head under blankets with my dog. That's me.