Quarantining: Therapy by Video and Self-Care

I alternate from being bummed and apathetic to grateful and even kind of happy while sheltering in place. Confession: 2018-2019 was my annus horribilis, where I underwent a midlife crisis of intense depression, remorse, rage, confusion, ennui and extreme anxiety. I was a cliche--I had an affair and almost quit my job before recovering a modicum of rationality and finding a therapist who diagnosed by borderline personality disorder. Right now I'm trying to have some compassion for myself and to not let my emotions run my life. Instead of dwelling on the past and mistakes I've made, I'm trying to concentrate on the relationships I have and to improve those interpersonal skills.  I told my therapist I would instead write letters rather than revisit and obsess on regret. I started by calling my 30-year-old niece who has her hands full with a 6-year-old, 4-year-old, and 1-year-old. I'm always entertained by her littluns and promised them during our face time that I would write them a letter.

And then I zoomed with a friend until the hubs told me my use of the bandwidth was perhaps interrupting his Zoom meeting. Okey dokey. Self-care then. More Chardonnay and a late night snack of salami and pepperoni because I just couldn't be bothered by also adding cheese and crackers. Just pour me more wine and let me eat more trash meat as I watch my trash t.v. Shut up liver.

Quarantine Fatigue, Costco, and Bone Broth

The shutdown of a couple meat packing plants and the interruption to the supply chain has the hubs a little freaked out. We went to Costco yesterday out of his concern of no meat. Patrick deposited eggs, milk, steaks, Flonase, Godiva chocolates, cereal, Ruffle potato chips and damnit why were they out of his chocolate chips? while I put Chardonnay, chocolate lava cakes, carnitas, mozzarella cheese, Aged Gouda, and avocados into our shopping cart. The stipulation of masks concerns me as it seems to give people the illusion of safety and permission to disregard the 6-foot distance rule despite the man on the megaphone asking customers to adhere to it. It was a bit of a shit show honestly, and I wished Costco had been limiting the number of people in the warehouse. We got the heck out of there as fast as we could as it almost felt like a bump and grind. My husband also picked up a rotisserie chicken over my objections. Why not? He asked. It's delicious, it's easy and cheap. I relented because I could finally make a bone and veggie broth.

Hubs also organized the refrigerator, instructing me where bottles and jars by category belonged and to not cook for a few days and instead grab leftovers like quiche and beans at the front for dinner. That's cool. No eye roll here. I decided to cook mashed potatoes to go with the roast chicken and also told not to buy any more potatoes because we'll be harvesting them from the garden in a couple weeks. Also fine with me. Patrick roasts potatoes deliciously with garlic and rosemary and red pepper flakes, and I like to use its leftovers for breakfast meals.

With the drippings from the roast chicken, I added butter and flour to make a roux to mix with chicken broth for gravy. The leftover gravy will probably be the base for chicken pot pie. I've also been know to make green chicken enchiladas from leftover roast chicken.

I had bought a package of Brussels sprouts on one of my walking treks to Trader Joe's. I cut the sprouts in half and coated them in olive oil and sprinkled salt and red pepper flakes. Half sides down  in a 425 degree oven for 15 to 20 minutes until the outer leaves are brown and caramelized and the interior is tender and delicious.

I made a Sidecar, and it's time to change up that cocktail. I may have to buy some dark rum and ginger beer and drink a Dark 'n Stormy instead. I mean we've seen this photo below before over and over in this blog. A Vesper would have been delicious too.  Darn it, why didn't I buy Grey Goose vodka yesterday at Costco? Oh that's right. Because I'm turning into an alcoholic, that's why. I need to dry out a bit and learn moderation. I also have Prosecco and fruit juice nectars and Campari to make Aperol Spritzes. A cocktail (or two) with a cutie is definitely my dessert of choice.

And then it was time to denude the chicken of its carcass and toss it into a pot with all the scraps of onions, carrots, and parsley that were in my freezer. It smelled so savory, overwhelmingly so that Patrick had to open the door and air out our tiny condo from smelling like a restaurant.

Voila! A large jar and a small jar of bone and vegetable broth, which I'll probably use in a red beans and rice as well as a West African peanut soup. And maybe I'll finally learn Patrick's organization system in the kitchen and refrigerator and put jars and bottles and containers of leftover where they belong. Insert eye roll here.

Quarantine Cooking: Italian

I'm excited for the four balls of no-knead dough a neighbor brought to the dismay of Patrick.  Whatevs. He won't regret it when I've made pepperoni pizza.  Two have been on my counter since Saturday, and the other two are in Ziploc bags in my fridge slow fermenting. I'll be making a Margherita pizza too as well as foccaccia.

I took advantage of empty fridge space from eating leftovers(whether I wanted them or not) and took out meat from the freezer to defrost. I also had celery heart left in the fridge and green onion from the garden. Tuna salad please.

The onion was kind of sharp, and so I took out a jar of dill pickles to use some of its juice to mellow it out. And celery seed will amp the celery hearts' flavor.

 A tablespoon of mayonnaise and a couple teaspoons of Dijon mustard and a can of my favorite Italian tuna (tonno!)packed in olive oil, which I do not skim off.  Lovely lunches lie ahead.

I actually didn't eat a tuna salad for lunch. I needed to use up leftover corned beef and thousand island dressing and grilled both into a Swiss cheese sandwich. Kind of heavy, and so for dinner I needed to not have starch. I had defrosted a steak. Sliced cherry tomatoes and bocconcini and basil to sprinkle with salt and drizzle with olive oil. Chopped fennel, radishes, butter lettuce and arugula and tossed with balsamic dressing.

The usual neighbor came over, so that the New York sirloin was a minute too long on the grill to be a perfect medium rare.

 No biggie. I made a lemon horseradish cream.

 Too lazy to grate lemon zest and drank sparkling water, so I could imbibe a Sidecar for dessert.  I still love to cook, but I think I'm bit bored from blogging about it and just need to revel in the activity.

Quarantine Cooking: Beet and Goat Cheese and Walnut Salad for Lunch and Angel Hair with Sausage Marinara for Dinner

My husband is not a fan of beets, nor goat cheese--and gulp, I'd had them both in my fridge for months. And so last night, I promised a neighbor lunch today of a salad. I assembled hers first. I already had a dressing made, which I call Everything but the Kitchen Sink: walnut oil, olive oil, honey, balsamic vinegar, lemon juice, Dijon mustard, soy sauce, chopped shallot, salt and pepper--into which I squeezed even more fresh lemon. I also toasted some walnuts from my freezer.

After I delivered the salad, I needed to make my own. I knew that I wanted to toss the sliced beets and arugula in my balsamic dressing and then sprinkle the crumbled goat cheese and toasted walnuts atop.

I so wanted a glass of Chardonnay with lunch for such an elegant salad, but I've been drinking way too much alcohol during this quarantine. At work, I drink sparkling water and since today was a Friday and technically a work day even though my tasks and meetings were sparse, I consumed a nonalcoholic lunch. Delicious though.

For dinner, I wanted to use up the Italian sausage I had cooked up for a pizza, use up the rest of box of opened Angel Hair,and a jar of the marinara we had preserved from last summer. I cracked open a new container of grated Parmesan and chopped some basil from the plant on my kitchen sill.

Neighbors had come over, and so I switched the pots of boiling water and simmering spaghetti sauce to finally cook dinner when they left. Unfortunately, I didn't switch the dials on the burners.  Aargh. I burned the sauce, but I was able to salvage what was on top of the carbon crust for the rest of the angel hair and no leftover sausage marinara:( OH well. A neighbor gave us half a small loaf of sourdough, and it was so fresh that I didn't want to toast it. I buttered it lavishly instead to eat with my pasta and glass of Merlot. I hadn't eaten spaghetti for a couple weeks, and so I relished it.

Quarantine Cooking: Breakfast for Dinner

I had mushrooms I sliced the other night for pizza and didn't use them all and decided tonight they would go into an omelette. It wasn't French, but it wasn't quite an American omelet either. I despaired a little that it got brown, but the taste was fantastic even if the egg wasn't a delicate curd throughout. Why did I hate eggs as a little kid and a young adult? Before preschool and kindergarten, my mother would cook me a soft boiled egg which had the texture of snot and had a fatty, eggy taste. Eww, of course I wouldn't have liked eggs. Also as teenager and in my 20s, eggs looked gross and unappealing and omelets were just meh. I changed my mind when a friend and I went to Denny's and ordered Grand Slam breakfasts. A fried egg sunny side-up with a runny yolk in which to dip toast suddenly looked like it might taste good. I liked it. I liked it. I also got over my aversion of mayonnaise which are eggs emulsified and does so much to moisten a dead sandwich.

We didn't need sausage tonight for dinner, but I'm in the habit of putting meat into a meal in some way for the husband who is a carnivore.  However, the hubby complained that it was too much food, and so okay next time, just a French omelette and an English muffin split between two people.  But the next breakfast for dinner meal I think will be banana chocolate chip pancakes.

Quarantine Cooking: Refried Beans & Waste Not, Want Not

Tonight's meal was not exactly leftovers, but I did not want the Anaheim chiles in my fridge to go soft before cooking them into chile rellenos. I also had a jar of cooking oil from frying potatoes for french fries to go with our hamburgers the other night to use tonight for frying tortillas and stuffed and battered chiles. I also had another jar of leavings comprised of grease from chorizo and bacon. I also had a casserole dish of boiled pinto beans. Duh! Refried beans.

I had just returned from a walk to our plot in the community garden. And so I chopped spring red onions along with a Roma tomato half gone and garlic (also from our garden)to make the refried beans savory.

Next I melted and heated the leftover chorizo and bacon grease.

Then I added the aromatics. I let them soften and release steam for 20 to 30 minutes.  And then I added the beans.

And let it simmer for quite a while until the moisture was driven off and the beans were a soft and unctuous yummy. And just like last night, I got lost in cooking the rest of my Mexican-themed dinner of chile rellenos, fresh fried tortilla chips, Mexican-restaurant style refried beans, and mashing avocados and spice for guacamole. Dinner was that good that I took no more pictures plus I'd already blogged before on how to make chile rellenos. Sorry.  And now for dessert. More wine and Cuties. And a hot chocolate chip cookie because the hubs has now taken over the kitchen and turned to pastry baking.

Quarantine Cooking: Chard & a Cocktail

Last night I was determined to finish off some leftovers.  I had macaroni and cheese and baked beans in the fridge, and so I decided to complement them with a protein of barbecued spare ribs.  My husband had also brought home a lot of Rainbow and Swiss chard. I put it all in the sink to wash. 

I keep saying I hate to waste, and so I did not discard the stems though I did separate them from the leaves.

I figure the stems are full of nutrients too, and so what I do is chop them more finely in order to cook first.

Oh and I also made myself a new cocktail tonight: the Sidecar. The recipe calls for 1.5 ounces of cognac, 3/4 ounce of Cointreau, 3/4 ounce of fresh lemon juice, an orange slice and sugar on the rim.  I didn't have Cointreau and substituted Grand Marnier, the difference being that Grand Marnier is an orange liqueur made in the curaçao tradition whereas Cointreau is straight up triple sec. Grand Marnier is a blend of cognac and triple sec with a more complex flavor of vanilla, orange and hints of oak. You'd get a more cleaner orange flavor with Cointreau, which I'll get at some point for future Sidecar cocktails, but for the moment, it worked. I luckily had half an orange that was way too pulpy and pithy for me to eat, but ended up being a beautiful garnish.

I had mentioned in another post the importance of mise en place. Below is how important it is.

And so here was my careful arrangement.

Sipping my cocktail, I sauteed the chard stems.

And then I got caught up in my cocktail, a neighbor coming over to visit, getting the rest of dinner together that I didn't get to photograph the garlic and salt and rest of the Swiss and Rainbow Chard going into the cast iron as well as the small pot of hot chicken broth to spoon occasionally into the chard to mellow out the oxalic acid which creates the chalky tasty in your mouth.  Just know that it was a good vegetable accompaniment to a slab of pork spareribs slathered with commercial barbecue sauce as well as leftovers of mac and cheese and baked beans.

Quarantine Cooking: Pizza

More than anything, I miss pizza, and it's not a food that I feel I can cook better than a pizzeria or even assemble better than my favorite take 'n bake pizza shop. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And so this weekend, my project was to make pizza.

Even if there were yeast available and no flour shortages in the grocery store, I would still resort to buying packaged pizza dough. One skill at a time when tackling New York style pizza.  And on the advice of a neighbor as well as a YouTube video, I carefully removed the dough from the plastic bag (i.e., pulling the bag from the dough as opposed to pulling the dough out of the bag in order not to disrupt the bubbles or gases inside the dough).  Once you've un-bagged, you can fold the dough in half and pinch at the bottom in order to form the dough into a ball that will rise evenly and NOT disrupt its bubbles.

I moved the pizza dough from my fridge and placed it into a bowl and covered it with cling wrap and set it on my kitchen counter at noon. Then I set out to my favorite Grocery Outlet, but this time in Pacifica instead of Redwood City, to suss out possible places to hike outdoors and to buy a bag of pepperoni.  Umm no. All the parking lots to the parks and beaches were closed though people were still out and about to enjoy sand and surf and sunny weather. I noticed that all the surfers were parking in the lot to Grocery Outlet and then walking with their boards to the waves. I also did not want to buy 2 pounds of pepperoni and nixed that idea and resigned myself to what ingredients I had on hand for pizza making. I then tried to get back on the Cabrillo Highway after grocery shopping, took a wrong turn and ended up in the steep and meandering hills of Pacifica.  The views from above were stunning, and so I didn't mind getting lost and then slowly returning to the grocery store to get on the freeway.

I was too intimidated to break the law and get out of my car, so I returned home the scenic long route via Highway 1 and 92.   Once home, I watched more YouTube videos. Below is one key tip, and luckily I had bought a Lodge cast iron round steel pan for just the purpose of baking pizzeria style pizza.  Great advice even if all the residual carbon in my oven overheated my house and filled it with smoke. A lot of the videos recommend crushed tomatoes and using an immersion blender and then adding copious amounts of olive oil and dried oregano to achieve that New York pizza taste. No thank you. I had already bought prepared pizza sauce in a jar, and I'm sticking to it because it was delicious. But I've committed the sin of cooking pizza sauce in the past, and now I know it's a no no.

5 o'clock, and so it was time to stick that cast iron pizza steel in an oven as hot as I could get it for at least an hour. I also took out my cast iron frying pan to precook the Italian sausage.

Lo and behold, my pizza dough had risen and doubled in size in the hours after I had set it out. I was giddy with excitement over a pizza dough with lots of bubbles and the possibility of a crispy crust with a puffy and soft interior.

Here's mistake one.  I hate to waste.  And so I sliced the mushrooms that were still in my fridge and took out leftover sliced black olives with the intention of using ALL of these ingredients in the pizza.  The key to a good pizza is to not overfill the pie, and only a Chicago style pizza pie would require such an abundance of toppings. I also took out what was left of an open container of grated Parmesan cheese--which was okay to use ALL as it imparts so much flavor.

I also precooked the mild Italian sausage (the store was out of spicy) and hence added red pepper flakes. 

The highest temperature I could set on my oven was 480 degrees, and not the 500 degrees I wanted. HOWEVER, I think the pizza steel and dialing my oven dial on to roast and convection for at least an HOUR would make the oven super hot enough to ensure a crispy crust.

I kept nibbling the salty deliciousness of the Italian sausage, which is something I buy all the time. I love Italian sausage more than pepperoni because I adore that licorice flavor of fennel seeds.

One pizza making video recommended whole milk, low moisture mozzarella. I discovered my ball of mozzarella was partial skim.  That's okay. Too much grease can be ruinous to a pizza for me. The box grater for cheese shredding is one of my invaluable tools in a kitchen.

Sigh.  Here's where I need to refine my pizza making skills. I should have thrown down flour on the board and not just polenta. Also this round cutting board is just too darn small to form a pie, and I didn't care about diameter so much as thinness of the dough. I saw one pizza maker use her counter and gravity to stretch her dough. I gently pulled the dough and then tried to pinch holes close, which I think will be my future technique.  Another future goal is to stretch that dough so thin that you can read a newspaper through it.

I had to use two spatulas to ease the overloaded (mistake #1) pizza from a not floured, too small surface (major mistake #2)on to the pizza steel. I had a bit of an emotional meltdown to the dismay of my husband.  It was just pizza for fuck's sake and not a big deal, but in this time of Covid-29 and condo fever, a botched pizza became a big deal. Irrational, I know. Put it in perspective. This too will pass. Moving on. For the second pizza which was gonna be my favorite Margherita, I floured the back of a baking sheet to use instead as a pizza peel. I'll also know for next time to spoon the sauce right up to the edges. Again I was unable to slide the pizza onto the steel and told myself, fuck it, and I left the pizza on the baking sheet and put the baking sheet on top of the pizza steel.

The pizza was golden brown on top, but not as crispy as it should have been on the bottom plus there was raw flour. Oh well. Next time I will flour my hands and press it into the dough, so that it will slide off much easier. Also I have a round pizza pan with holes. Duh! I should have used that to slide the pie on the steel or to even just place the whole pizza on the holey pan onto the steel. I also saw a video where one pizza maker used parchment paper to slide the pizza, paper and all onto the oven rack. Stay tuned. 

My husband's Italian sausage, mushroom and olive pizza on the other hand looked disastrous, but he was a trooper and ate a quarter of it.

My Margherita was delicious even if it wasn't the extreme of delectable. I love the flavor of fresh basil leaves atop hot, bubbling cheese to kind of soften it, and I ended up eating the whole pie.  Therefore, I'm not giving up on making pizza. I will make pizza again. I will keep making a better pizza.