Quarantining: Therapy by Video and Self-Care

I alternate from being bummed and apathetic to grateful and even kind of happy while sheltering in place. Confession: 2018-2019 was my annus horribilis, where I underwent a midlife crisis of intense depression, remorse, rage, confusion, ennui and extreme anxiety. I was a cliche--I had an affair and almost quit my job before recovering a modicum of rationality and finding a therapist who diagnosed by borderline personality disorder. Right now I'm trying to have some compassion for myself and to not let my emotions run my life. Instead of dwelling on the past and mistakes I've made, I'm trying to concentrate on the relationships I have and to improve those interpersonal skills.  I told my therapist I would instead write letters rather than revisit and obsess on regret. I started by calling my 30-year-old niece who has her hands full with a 6-year-old, 4-year-old, and 1-year-old. I'm always entertained by her littluns and promised them during our face time that I would write them a letter.

And then I zoomed with a friend until the hubs told me my use of the bandwidth was perhaps interrupting his Zoom meeting. Okey dokey. Self-care then. More Chardonnay and a late night snack of salami and pepperoni because I just couldn't be bothered by also adding cheese and crackers. Just pour me more wine and let me eat more trash meat as I watch my trash t.v. Shut up liver.