My dog, Sadie brings me a lot of solace and cheer. Really we all should take an example from dogs on how to increase love and compassion for ourselves and our family and friends and even those we disdain. This election season seems to have increased my anger toward some friends, loved ones who live afar, and yeah my defensiveness around the husband. I've lately been developing and holding on to judgmentalness, ill will, and hostile feelings toward myself. And I think I know the causes for all this negativity. I suspect that the relatives I'm trying to be close to voted on the candidate I highly disapprove of and excluded me from activities because of my political and social views. I think some of my so-called friends are just self-involved and if I'm of no use to them, I'm easily discarded from their lives. It's irrational thinking, I admit, because there really are a number of other reasons why I don't hear from them, number one being it's a pandemic and so we're all unable to to congregate as we're all wont to do during fall holidays. I am also definitely being overly sensitive and need to remember that people are trying their best, including myself. I was looking at my personal goals when I started DBT: I was seeking to decrease making assumptions and seeking reassurance. I know that's why I've been abrogating certain responsibilities, like not letting my bedroom turn into a hoarder's paradise and waiting until almost the deadline to turn in my ballot. And cooking. Patrick once asked why the hell do I cook so much? And I'd retort, we don't go out to restaurants, and so I might as well cook something delicious. And if I cook too much, then I try to cook something that not only gives me comfort but also feeds my neighbors and not let food go to waste.
I feel like cooking is my activity for mindfulness and emotional regulation and helps a lot with my tolerance for distress. Patrick saw me defrosting and peeling shrimp for my mung bean soup and asked, what about us? and said that he also liked shrimp. Enter shrimp scampi and pasta. This Italian-American dish is one I can make from memory and not have to look at a recipe. Chop shallots (or onion) and mince garlic, which you sauté in butter and then add wine, lemon juice, shrimp stock--and any of these deglazing liquids can be omitted if you don't have it. Then reduce all those liquids until there's only enough to cook your shrimp and coat your pasta. Add heavy whipping cream to thicken and finish to a sauce. Meanwhile, depending how long it takes, get a pot of water and a handful of salt to a rolling boil in which to put whatever pasta you have on hand--linguine is what I usually use, but I've used spaghetti, rotini, farfalle and on this particular Friday night, angel hair or cappellini.
I had vowed to go dry for November, but I've got this bad habit of thinking, oh but Chardonnay is so perfect for drinking with this meal.
And then it was Saturday, and I knew I wanted more comfort food like a beef stew. But not my mom's beef stew which has tomatoes. More of a beef stew to eat with mashed potatoes and cabbage sautéed in butter. I was talking to my clay mates about Irish beef stew and recipes for it which I saw had beer or wine and sometimes both plus parsnips. Meral was going to send me home with a parsnip, but forgot. I looked for it at a store and couldn't find it and opted instead for a turnip to add with the carrots. I also had a bone broth in the fridge which I used to braise the chuck beef tips to get them tender. And then mixed butter and flour to add the last few minutes to thicken. I remembered too the green peas in my freezer, which I added at the last minute to stay green. And this time, instead of pasta, I was boiling Russet potatoes and then mashing and lashing them with butter and heavy whipping cream. I also set up a cabbage station for the hubs to sauté the green cabbage.
And this time, it was pinot noir which I had used in the beef stew and thought, oh but red wine is perfect for drinking with dinner.
Alas it was then Sunday and though people were feeling relieved and celebrational that the election was over, I was feeling anxious instead and nostalgic for a childhood dish. Ginisang munggo is a Filipino savory mung bean soup, usually also comprised of pork, tomatoes, onion and garlic as well as patis (fish sauce), tinapa (smoked fish) or daing (dried fish). My mother never cooked Monggo with fish, but rather with shrimp and bagoong (shrimp paste).
As a family, we also ate it with rice, but I sometimes just ate it as a soup full of starchy beans and tiny bits of protein. And I would add additional salt or soy sauce if I did eat it with rice. Just like mom, I cut up the pork (and in this case, pork shoulder ribs) into small bite-sized pieces. My mother also never really garnished the monggo with chicharones. Instead of trimming the fat off like Mom, I cut it into bite sized pieces and fried it.
Cracklings for later. In the pork fat, I sautéed the onion and garlic and pork--in that order.
And then put in all the liquids--tablespoons of fish sauce (waiting for the Vietnamese fish sauce to run out so I can then buy the Rufina brand my mom used), soy sauce, shrimp stock, bone broth and even more water to boil the package of cracked mung beans comprising 9 servings. I think they were broken in order to cook faster and turn into that starchy paste that Filipinos like to spoon on to their rice.
And boiled and then simmered, remembering to scrape the bottom of any mushy mung beans and not let it burn.
And continued to simmer while walking the dog and watching television and then tasting and adding more shrimp paste or soy sauce.
And the Monggo is done. I added a three shrimp and a handful of sliced Napa cabbage for dinner. I didn't want to make a run to the store for spinach which I don't like when it gets slimy, nor the malunngay leaves which add a little bitterness. But really, the mung bean soup tastes even better leftover atop a little rice. And so I put some of the soup into containers along with fresh shrimp and cabbage for my neighbors to eat later, which is also my leftovers plan for the week. I just need to figure out what to serve the hubs while I self-soothe with Filipino food this week.
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