Manic Monday or When I Realized, Hey I'm Happy?!

It's been two years since I had a break in my equanimity and sat down with a therapist. We pored through his DSM and figured out that I was suffering borderline personality disorder aka a classic midlife crisis, one I had not experienced so intensely since my early 20s and which impelled me to seek out DBT or dialectical behavior therapy in conjunction with my couples therapy with him. Couples therapy which we stopped in spring. And DBT which I stopped only this past July. Yesterday I realized, I was happy despite my promise to think about returning to therapy in the fall. Patrick always used to comment that I didn't seem to want to be home because I was always busy, busy, busy at either the ceramics studio or the quilt workshop or some outing with my friend Julie. And now? Well I'm still a whirlwind of activity, but my daily tasks are not so much occupation to distract myself from existential angst or job burnout. I really really enjoy these activities. 

Sunday night, however, I was not a happy camper because I had finished my most onerous task of folding laundry and putting it away into a cheap, broken IKEA dresser, which then segued into organizing my athletic wear into gym baskets and bemoaning where was I gonna put all my shit?!? And then a resolution to buy a new larger and sturdier dresser. And maybe I was still feeling still some organizational anxiety because I then looked at my shelf of all my art tools and took to sketching in my clay journal the porcelain containers I plan to make that will be uniform and aesthetically pleasing. 

I know that one day I will look at my shelf and see my fountain and calligraphy pens, Micron pens and Sharpies, graphite pencils, colored pencils, paintbrushes, and scissors all neatly arrayed in beautiful pottery. And find a cute basket or clear containers to house paper and stencils. 

And then it was Monday, and I decided to wear gym clothes to work because I could now find the items I need for running. 

Seriously, how could my app not show some elevation climbs because I ran pigeon toe some serious hills? However, it felt good to move my body and rack up some mileage for the 87 mile Challenge Run/Walk for Ruth Bader Ginsburg, a virtual race I signed up for as an incentive to get back into running half marathons. I'm not gonna feel guilty for having that kind of nervous and physical energy anymore if I can help it. 

I later shopped at Whole Foods to buy a birthday present because I've always liked to give things consumable and came home to this pleasant harvest surprise.  

I'm glad I told the hubs NOT to dig out the eggplant and pepper plants from our vegetable garden. Japanese miso eggplant or stuffed Mexican peppers anyone? 

And then got to making dinner. Slathered bbq sauce (both Ray's hickory and Duke's Alabama white) on boiled pork shoulder country ribs. Prepared a macaroni and cheese casserole. 

Thawed frozen broccoli, whipped a dressing of mayonnaise, sugar and apple cider vinegar, chopped red onion and bacon and added golden raisins and sunflower kernels to make a salad. Took out the leftover 3 bean salad from the refrigerator.

Even the hubs said I seemed to have gone all out for dinner, but really I semi-prepared some of these dishes the day before and was just "shopping my pantry and freezer" so as not to waste food and taking immense satisfaction from that.

I may have woken up that Monday morning to go to work, but really it felt like such a chillaxed day because I was doing the things even at work that give me pleasure and peace.