cook, clay, cloth: (re)newing passion

This memory popped up on my Facebook memories from 2012. Look at all the papers I was reading and the writing and intense synthesizing I was typing into my laptop. And ha...the omnipresent glass of Chardonnay.

And now I've realized grad school was a decade ago (whereas before I kept thinking it was just a few or six years ago), and I kinda miss academia and that all-consuming obsession with scholarship--it was a goal that gave me meaning and purpose. Though I've since replaced that other life and passion with cooking, ceramics, quilting, embroidery, et al, I’m in a rut of doing the same thing over and over again—same meals that I cook, same kinds of pots that I build, same kinds of textiles that I sew, WHICH IS OKAY as I believe excellence comes from repetition and constant practice or from making the same things over and over again until they're as perfect as can be to achieve high standards. I'm grateful that I decided not to pursue a Ph.D. and succumb to the pressure of publish or perish. And this sameness in my existence is parallel to but NOT the same as my existential crisis from three or four years ago, where I blew my life up, of which I'm still repairing the damage. Why the hell was I not satisfied with my situation in life? I had security and comfort, my small family and friends, but still felt stifled and in want of something exciting. I blew my life up temporarily and thankfully it was short-lived, but deeply regretted hurting people. Be better. Do better. 

I've resumed the interests and activities that I love, but at the same time, I've got to inject something new into my standard practices or try something a little different to keep from getting bored. I've got a pile of cooking magazines that are taking up unnecessary space, and so I'm gonna cook at least one recipe before donating the magazine to the friends of the public library. And I need to remember that this activity is all in the service of pleasure, and it's okay to enjoy life.

As for ceramics, I aim to make more and more function ware, but let me try a tiny new technique or get faster and smoother in my movements when building the plates, mugs, bowls, vases or housewares. On Saturday I headed back to the community ceramics studio of my city’s parks and recreation department to which I brought a bag of red clay and four forms to make salad plates. It takes me an hour and a half on average to make two pots, so that Saturday I made four plates in two and half hours and took home this little Coleman porcelain vase I made a few months ago.                          

As for sewing, that’s been a harder hobby to pursue. I’ve got the brown yardage. I’ve got the pink yardage. I’ve got foundation papers cut to size. But yesterday I spent my free afternoon after calling in sick for half the day at work, walking the dog and window shopping. I thankfully did not buy anything because if I buy, I’ve got to rid. I didn’t even go to the gym as I had planned. Instead I cleaned and organized the dining table to prepare for sewing. I tell myself again that’s okay. And this afternoon I’ll be doing clay and on my usual mission of making plates. Which all cuts into the exercise and sewing. Again it's all okay and all balance out later.